my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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