all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
