soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
