.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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