lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
