i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
