is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
