You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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