Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
