I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
