Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
