last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
