new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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