i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Pants are for mortals
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
