she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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