He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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