why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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