Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
