You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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