Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
