He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
