This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you win again, gameday.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
