He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
