i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
