I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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