I wish I could punch you in the face.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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