You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
