Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
