I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
