A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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