I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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