Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
well you can't waste a boner
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
