Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
