Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
