im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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