I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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