I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
