I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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