she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
