I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
