I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
