carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's never too late to be topless.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
