now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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