i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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