the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Last time i carry you out of a forest
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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