The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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