we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
