i jhust puked up my retainher.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
