you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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