You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
