Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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