I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
