cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You are a genius and a whore.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
