I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize